|Is this you?|
1. Avoid poor spelling
In the heat of the moment, people get so riled up rushing from one point to another that they forget the second letter of every word, rendering great ideas incomprehensible. Rather than racing to respond, take a deep breath, google pictures of baby deer, and remember: if they can't understand you, you can't prove them wrong.
2. Pull rank based on your degree
The more higher education in the liberal arts you possess, the better your opinions are. So arts students: point out to those management, science, and engineering students how they don't understand society as well as you. Graduate students: you are at the top of this pile and should enjoy as it won't come often. So make sure to mention you spend your time crafting opinions more complex than puny undergraduate minds can even fathom.
3. Do not work for less than 30 minutes on any post
The last thing you want to do is make a fool of yourself on a public forum. You need to devote time into crafting your great argument. It may seem tedious, but it's worth it. At the end of the day, you will feel good for having properly educated someone.
4. Exploit All-Caps
Nothing drives home a point more than capital letters. It has the equivalent effect of raising your voice during an argument with none of the ramifications involving pushing and shoving. When you reach the crux of the point, smatter your sentences with all-capped words to let your opponents know this won't be a typical cruise through cyberspace.
5. Acknowledge the validity of someone's view before ripping it apart
Being diplomatic goes a long way. Begin your counter-points with phrases such as: "Yes I hear you, but....." or "That is a good idea IN THEORY; however......." That way, your opponents will know that you have objectively compared the two arguments and deduced yours as superior.
6. Have links at hand
Establishing fact often requires a source outside of your own personal experience. After elaborating on your position, link a website which supports it. You will add much authority to your point if you can find a person on the internet who agrees with you.
7. Theorize first; philosophize second
An argument without theory is like a 40 of Colt 45: it makes up in volume for what it lacks in sophistication, but will never be taken as seriously as those craft beers with fancy labels. So add some sophistication to your arguments by referencing great theorists and thinkers of your ideology. For the left, name Mill, Chomsky, or Keynes. As for you conservatives, don't feel left out: believe it or not, you have thinkers too! So don't be shy and name the great ones, like Burke, Huntington, or Flanagan, and watch those lefties go crying all the way back to their nanny state.
8. Accuse your opponent of being racist
Opportunities always arise to use the R word, whether your opponent supports western imperialism or discrimination at government jobs against white males. So call them out. It is a great way to discredit anything they may say afterwards and the rest will be too scared to oppose you by fear of association
|Take that Cynics! We will bring Kony to justice because of our actions|